by Katrina Williams, CSW
Psychological flexibility is the ability to adjust to the changes in life, even when things do not go the way you expect. For kids with anxiety, being flexible is often difficult in many circumstances. We know that children thrive in environments that are predictable with structure. However, creating an environment where kids are completely buffered from the changes in schedules, disappointments, and bumps in life will disadvantage them in their job of maturing emotionally and providing their own inner stability. Parents have a role in allowing and creating experiences that enable children to gain confidence and learn to manage anxiety well.
Summer is a fantastic time to introduce fun and flexible components to help kids be more resilient. It is possible to create structure and build in flexibility too. Many families create a summer bucket list. A summer bucket list is a list of possibilities to add into the summer. Kids enjoy being able to look forward to these ideas and marking them off if they have completed the item. Making a list that includes both activities that you know your child enjoys and additional activities that may stretch them is a great starting point.
The following are some possible ideas to create flexibility. Focusing on the fun and playful nature of these activities will help children engage in the activities even if they may be more challenging for them. Knowing your child’s more rigid spots and making it a game or a funny experience takes out some of the fear they may otherwise experience.
• Play Bean Boozled, or another quirky or odd game.
• Have a silly talent show.
• Go to different pools throughout the summer.
• Take various routes home or while going to destinations.
• Have a family contest who can go the longest wearing mismatched socks, pants backwards, shoes on the wrong feet, etc.
• Play a game with altered rules or opposite rules than usual.
• Let your children choose your outfit for the day and you choose theirs.
• Watch a movie with a character that adjusts/adapts to difficulties and casually comment on their flexible actions.
• Have an ongoing game to have children notice what is different or out of place in the home. Parent(s) changes something periodically and randomly.
• Have a tea party in costumes, mismatched clothes, crazy hats, or utilize an outrageous element.
• Play with lots of different textures: gelatin blocks, shaving cream, sand, bubbles, and work up to any texture your child may be averse to handling.
• Wear sunglasses upside down, hats backwards or sideways, sandals on the wrong feet, etc.
• Have mystery activities where the children can anticipate fun but do not know the details of the activity until they arrive.
Most of all, the greatest help for teaching children flexibility it the ability of parents to model flexibility. Do activities you as a parent can enjoy and follow through on. Expect that your child will not handle every fun challenge as well as you would hope. However, remembering to handle situations in which your children are less flexible with your own flexible adaptions will serve you and your child well for the next activity you attempt. Focusing on and praising the child’s efforts towards flexibility will more often generate willingness to try again. Parents are invaluable teachers for anxious children. You may find in creating these experiences that you may increase your own psychological flexibility and create lasting memories all at the same time.